Are you familiar with the phrase, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”  I hate that phrase.  Nothing?  I’m sorry, honey, then you probably haven’t tasted a really good cabernet.  Sure, it may be full of empty calories, but I’d trade skinny for a good cabernet any day.  In fact, I did trade skinny for a good cabernet, and cheese, and steak, and potatoes, and butter, and bread.  Really good sourdough bread.  Might as well make it a bread bowl filled with delicious soup.

Well, you get my point.  It is a dumb phrase used by dumb narcissistic people.  I am not saying there is anything wrong with wanting to be slender, but don’t go lying to yourself that peas taste as good as pork belly.  Everything tastes better than skinny feels.  Everything.

You might be thinking that I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing this particular phrase and you would be right.  Since I have had to limit my consumption of certain things, my mind does tend to tailspin when I think of food.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  While changing my diet has been difficult at times, for the most part I have tried to proceed with positivity.  Sure, I can’t have that sourdough bread bowl I am craving, but it doesn’t mean I am out of gluttonous bready options.  Lucky for me, I live in Los Angeles.  Being gluten free in Los Angeles is as popular a lifestyle choice as wearing uggs with shorts, which is to say that all the cool kids are doing it.  I’ve found an amazing gluten free Italian restaurant to satisfy my pasta and pizza cravings.  I have also found gluten free sandwich breads, and bagels, and rolls, and crackers.  Mary’s Gone Crackers are so good you should eat them even if you don’t have a gluten allergy.  Seriously, they are like crack.  Another fave is Hail Merry, which makes all sorts of gluten free desserts that are also free of refined sugar (chocolate mint pie topped with fresh raspberries, anyone?).

Next up is to actually start making some of this myself.  Thanks to the nearly three dozen flours on offer at my neighborhood Sprouts, I think I will be ready just in time to bust out some gluten free stuffing for Thanksgiving.  (I have already mastered gluten free gravy in order to continue stuffing my face with poutine.  Can’t nobody hold me down.)

In addition to keeping up my diet, I have continued my physical therapy regimen.  I go two times each week for 45 minutes each.  Between my sessions, I practice my balance through “homework” exercises.  I have also increased my total activity by walking more.  (Please don’t judge me by today’s paltry Fitbit showing.)  Between the changes in my diet, the increase in my overall activity, and my physical therapy, I have seen tremendous positive changes over the past quarter-year.

In July, when I first began physical therapy, I was only able to balance on one foot for three seconds.  Now, I am able to balance for over 10 seconds on either foot.  I no longer need to hold the rail when I stand on an escalator or when I use the stairs.  I am able to squat without issue or stand on my tip toes.  I could not do any of this several months ago.  I am up to seven minutes on the elliptical (and have been assured by my physical therapist that this machine is not, in fact, a torture device).  I am also down 20 pounds and going.  Unlike before, when I lost weight through a crash diet only to gain it all back and then some, these changes are the result of a changed lifestyle.  There is no going back.

It has been five months since I learned I had ataxia and four months since I started to actively work on reversing the clock on its progression.  Next month, I will be meeting with the ataxia specialist at UCLA to have my SARA score retested.  I can confidently report that I have done everything in my power to get my SARA score down from a five out of 40 to something less.  (Heck, even keeping my score at a five will be a win, because it means that I fought off any further degeneration over a sustained period of time.)

No matter what the result, I am happy to report that I feel healthier than I did five months ago.  I am physically more fit.  My balance is better.  My speech is less jumbled.  When I look in the mirror, I am proud of the person who is looking back.  She is a fighter and she is going to continue to fight.  Even if it means never eating another piece of sourdough bread again in her life.

Because nothing tastes as good as healthy feels.